Weddings PDF Print E-mail

The two important factors are that I have to ensure that I am conducting the ceremony legally and, secondly, that we are organising a ceremony that suits you. That is all there is to it, really!

I am most happy to give you advice, and probably so are many other people, but the final decision as to how any ceremony is to run is yours. I have been a Civil Celebrant since 31 January 1983, still enjoy conducting ceremonies and always try to give that impression even at the end of a frantic summer weekend!

 

Legal Requirements.

I am required by law under the Marriage Act, and as recently instructed by the Attorney-General's Department:

1. to inform everyone that I am an authorised celebrant (using prescribed words - see below)

2. to inform you of the law regarding marriage (using prescribed words - see below) 

3. to ask you, using your full names, if you are moving into your marriage freely (using words as suggested below)

4. to advise you that you may add your own vows or promises but that they must include certain words (see below)

We five (bride, groom, 2 witnesses, celebrant) need to sign the three certificates. 

 

What paper work do you need? The Notice of Intended Marriage Form

You may obtain a copy of the Notice of Intended Marriage (Form 13) from me, a Registry Office, or from the official website. The Federal Attorney-General’s website for the Notice of Intended Marriage is:

Notice of Intended Marriage

The N.I.M. form must be ‘lodged’ with whomever is going to conduct your ceremony at least one calendar month prior to the proposed date. In practice, this means one month and one day! So if you are getting married on August 9, then I must receive the signed form by July 8. It is a 4 page form, 2 pages for you to read, and 2 pages for you and me to fill in and sign. Page 2 contains very important information.

Regarding date and place of birth

  • If you were born in Australia you must produce an official certificate, or anofficial extract of an entry in an official register, showing the date and place of birth. A statutory declaration may be used in the rare instance of a birth certificate being unavailable. Please check with your celebrant regarding this unusual situation.

or

  • If you were born overseas, you should produce your birth certificate, or you may produce a passport issued by a government of an overseas country, showing the date and place of birth. A statutory declaration is also a possibility, but it is unlikely that this provision will have to be used. Please ask your celebrant about this situation.

To apply for a birth certificate in South Australia visit the Office of Consumer and Business Affairs

If you have been previously married you will have to produce evidence of your divorce or death of your spouse.

  • for divorces in Australia prior to 2005 (decree nisi and decree absolute) a decree absolutes is required, and for divorces in Australia since 2005(simplified Certificate of Divorce) the date divorce takes effect is the key date.

  • for divorces in overseas countries what is required is divorce documentation from the country in which the divorce took place.

  • Acceptable evidence of the death of a spouse is the official death certificate or other official documents like a coroner or police report.

As your celebrant I will talk through the ramifications, and variations, of these basic rules.

 

Fees

Please see my Home Page for details of fees. 

 

Notes to help conduct your ceremony.

These are only notes, but they may help you when deciding how you would like your ceremony to be conducted.

These notes are not prescriptive, but please ensure that...

  1. you enjoy your Marriage Ceremony, and that you have it the way that you would like!

  2. there are two witnesses who must, as the law notes, 'appear to be over the age of 18 years of age'. These witnesses may be men or women, children or parents.

  3. there is a table available for the signing, and two chairs, so that each of you may sit while signing. There is probably no need to have flowers on the table - particularly if it is small. The flowers tend to get knocked over, sat on, or moved when we start to sign. We also need to be able to place the three certificates on the table and have room for the bride's flowers.

  4. you have checked on the local rules about throwing confetti or rice. Flowers or money seem to be no problem!

  5. regardless of what time you have told your guests, you are sure what time it is that you wish to start the Ceremony.

  6. the bride is arranging to arrive on time, or a couple of minutes late. I may have another wedding scheduled following yours, and I don't intend to arrive late for that wedding! And anyway, it is thoughtless on the groom for the Ceremony to be delayed unnecessarily.

You might like to think about

  1. Where and how would you like to stand for the occasion? I suggest that you may wish to consider an arrangement whereby your guests are able to see and hear you. Perhaps a horseshoe arrangement might be appropriate - e.g. Celebrant, Groom's Attendants, Groom, Bride, Parent(s) of Bride, Bride's Attendants.

  2. Where would be the most suitable place for the rings for the ceremony? Perhaps consider having the rings on the nearby signing table, from where the Groom's and Bride's Attendants may collect them. Anything is better than 'a nervous groomsman fossicking amongst a collection of pockets for a wayward ring'! Some people have the rings on a cushion, or have them carried by a young attendant. This is fine of course, but I've noticed that sometimes the knots are hard to untie by nervous attendants!

  3. Will you need a few chairs for aged guests, parents, or those who are pregnant or on crutches?

  4. Are you arriving together, separately, going to be there as your guests arrive, or something else?

  5. If your children are at the Ceremony, how would you like them involved? Perhaps they could read, say something at the 'giving away' time, or collect the rings?

  6. What do you want from your photographer, in regard to the Ceremony?

I will

  1. have the three certificates ready for signing. These are the Registry Office copy, my copy, and yours.

  2. be at the location at least 20 minutes before the ceremony, I suggest that the Groom doesn't need to arrive much before that time either. There is only so much pre-marriage commentary that grooms can stand from your guests!

  3. make a check on the table and chairs for position and stability. You don't need an odd sign in the background of all your photographs!

  4. check with the groom on the details for the ceremony, in case any last minutes changes need to be made. I will cope with any changes, but it is also a way of filling in that nervous waiting time for the groom.

  5. tell you what to do, where to go. That is, of course, after you have told me what it is that you want. In other words, I will make sure that you are legally married, and that it is done the way you want it. You have to make sure that it is the Ceremony you want, in the style you would like.

  6. bring an excellent sound system with hand-held microphone and capability of playing CDs, etc. - no charge.

 

A SIMPLE MARRIAGE EXAMPLE

I 'do' this type of Ceremony 90% of the time, so it works pretty well! I think there is a relationship between content and style, between what is in the Ceremony and how it is done. I enjoy doing Marriage Ceremonies, and I hope you enjoy yours.

Please note that you may make changes wherever you like - add, subtract, cut and paste. Some people have very simple, short ceremonies, while other have quite long and complex ones. It is your prerogative to decide what content and style you would like for your ceremony - so make sure you have the ceremony that will be pleasantly memorable!

 

AS THE BRIDE ARRIVES

When I know that the Bride is about to arrive, I ensure that the Groom and his Attendants are in position. I will have checked that the rings are appropriately placed, and that those who are doing any readings are prepared.

Where relevant, I also check with the musicians or the person playing the CD.

When the Bride arrives, I go over to her and welcome her, remind her to walk slowly (there is no rush), and tell her that we are ready.

I wait with the men, while the Bride arrives with her escort and/or Attendants.

I advise those in the Bridal party where to stand.

 

WELCOME

I actually just stand and talk, and only read whatever particular pieces you have personally written. Because I know the basic ceremony by heart, I don't read the obvious, and try to give the impression that I find pleasure in conducting ceremonies. The points I tend to make are as follows:

I ask your guests to move closer so that they may hear and see all that they wish. I welcome them to the celebrations that mark the beginning of your married life together, and tell them that in this Civil Marriage Ceremony you have personally prepared the content yourselves, and that you intend to enjoy it, and trust that they do as well.

 

POEM, READING, SONG, ETC.

I suggest that if you are interested in have a reading in any part of your Ceremony, that you select the piece, and ask a friend to read. That makes it more personal for both of you. I will of course read if you would like that.

 

THE ASKING

Whereas I was originally exempt from doing so, now it is expected that all authorised celebrants shall say to the bride and groom, in the presence of the witnesses:

My name is Dr John Holmes and I am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law. Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship you are about to enter. Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.

(to Groom - full names) ... will you take ... to be your wife?

With any additional comments you might like, for example:

Will you love her, honour her, comfort and keep her, and forsaking all others keep only unto her so long as you both shall live?

GROOM: I will.

(to Bride - full names) ... will you take ... to be your husband?

With any additional comments you might like, for example:

Will you love him, honour him, comfort and keep him, and forsaking all others keep only unto him so long as you both shall live?

BRIDE: I will.

 

THE GIVING AWAY

There are many ways of indicating support for a marriage, and you may wish for someone to say something, for parents to indicate support, or you may desire for the Bride/Groom to be 'given away'.

I tend to introduce this part of the Ceremony, to say that you have chosen to include it, and that you are pleased to have, for example, the Bride's father to represent all your family and friends in supporting you marriage. Of course, you may wish to involve all your parents, or your children.

MARRIAGE CELEBRANT: Who gives/brings ... to be married to ...?
Or
Do you on behalf of your family and friends, support ...'s marriage to ...?

RESPONSE: e.g. I do/We do/My wife and I do.

I thank that person and ask them if they would care to join the guests.

 

POEM, READING, SONG, ETC.

I suggest that if you are interested in have a reading in any part of your Ceremony, that you select the piece, and ask a friend to read. That makes it more personal for both of you. I will of course read if you would like that.

 

THE VOWS

I introduce the Vows mentioning that they are the formal part of the Ceremony, and that you have chosen them.

Normally, the Groom, then the Bride, repeats them after me, in small segments. You may, of course, vary this - read them, learn them, change the order, etc.

The vows which the Marriage Act now expects people to say must include the following:

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I ... take you ... to be my wife/husband.

For example:

GROOM: I call upon these persons here present to witness that I ... take you ... to be my lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death us do part, and this is my promise to you.

BRIDE: I call upon these persons here present to witness that I ... take you ... to be my lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death us do part, and this is my promise to you.

PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO WRITE YOUR OWN VOWS. Some ideas from which to work:

Vows 1: I, ..., take you, ..., as my wife/husband. I pledge to share my life openly with you, and to speak the truth to you in love. I promise to honour and tenderly care for you, and to cherish and encourage your own fulfilment as an individual for the rest of my life.
Vows 2: ... I want to be with you always just as you are. I choose you above all others to share my life with me in marriage. I love you for yourself, and I want you to become all that you can be. I promise to honour this pledge as long as I live.

 

THE EXCHANGE OF RINGS OR OTHER SYMBOL

I normally say something like: As a symbol of this marriage, ... and ... wish to exchange rings. OR As a symbol of this marriage, ... wishes to present ... with a ring.

I normally ask the Groom's Attendant, and then the Bride's, to collect the rings from the table and present them, in order, to the Groom and then the Bride, who will, in turn, be asked to place the ring on the other's finger.

GROOM: With this ring, a token and pledge of my love, I thee wed.

BRIDE: With this ring, a token and pledge of my love, I thee wed.

 

YOU MIGHT LIKE TO VARY THE WORDS YOU SAY AT THE TIME OF EXCHANGING RINGS.

Rings 1: With this ring I thee wed.
Rings 2: With this ring I marry you.
Rings 3: ... I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.

 

PRONOUNCEMENT OF MARRIAGE

MARRIAGE CELEBRANT: ... and ..., as you have consented together in lawful marriage in my presence, and in the presence of your witnesses, and by the giving and receiving of these rings, I now declare you to be husband and wife.

I then suggest that you may wish to kiss each other!

MARRIAGE CELEBRANT: Ladies and gentlemen. It is my duty, and very great pleasure to inform you that ... and ... have freely agreed to be joined in marriage, and you have heard me pronounce them husband and wife. We are now going to sign the three Marriage Certificates. Once we have completed the signing I shall present ... and ... to you as a married couple.

 

SIGNING

Five of us need to sign three certificates, so this takes at least five minutes. During that time the photographers will no doubt be busy. You may also have arranged for music to be played at this stage.

 

PRESENTATION

After the signing I present you to your guests, with something like:

Ladies and gentlemen, we have now completed the formal part of today's celebrations, and I hope that you enjoy the remainder of your time with ... and ... and that you send them off on their married life with a great deal of support. Could I advise you that is preferable that you do not throw confetti or rice within the grounds/building, but please feel free to throw flowers (or money) as symbols of your goodwill. I now give to you all, your new friends, and for some of you now, your new relatives, ... and ... as a married couple. Congratulations.

 

BEFORE I LEAVE

This Ceremony normally takes about 15 minutes and afterwards I check the Certificates (for posting to the Registry Office within the next day or two), and then say goodbye to you.